Dietary Dilettante Gifts

'The only problem being a Beefeater is that I'm a vegetarian.'

Bernice prepares her pantry for gluten-free cooking

'You have what we in the medical profession call an enlarged appetite.'

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'House wine?'

Macho Vegetarian

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

The Salvador Deli

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."