Diet Dilettante Gifts

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

'I'll have the tuna-fish salad but I want you to bring me sausage, egg, bacon, beans and chips by mistake.'

'We don't understand it - she eats whatever we eat!'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"I'm afraid the chocolate cake puts you over the calorie cap."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'Hey! How about going easy on the carbs!'

Fat woman deceived by Hall of Mirrors.

"Just a heads-up... when you count calories, high score doesn't win."ories/high score

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

"I start every diet with the best intentions, but it goes to hell as soon as I sense blood in the water."

Macho Vegetarian

'Aaaaaah...a lunch related injury.'

'I was arrested for stealing too many artificial sweetener packets from restaurants.'

'Oops. I just lost my sense of humor.'

'Well, one of us is going to have to sit facing them.'

'I am thinking of having a gastric band fitted.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

'Me? I'm on the 'have affairs with as many men as possible' diet.'

'Tell me, honestly, have I got spinach on my teeth?'

'Frankly Martin we were hoping for a slightly more radical response to the obesity epidemic than 'buy bigger pants'.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'