Dieting Dilettante Gifts

Candies and diet pills

'What do you mean I have to eat more greens? I eat pistachio ice cream every night.'

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"And could I have a small diet soda please."

'OK this time, but tomorrow you're going on a diet!'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Lose weight? -- Why do I always get the health-nut doctors?'

'I'd recommend our special diet offer, sir. You pay for three steaks and get none.'

"The magnifying glass makes it look as if you're still eating the same amount before going on your diet."

I combined the All-Fruit diet, the All-Meat diet, and the All-vegetable diet and you know what I got? Fat!

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'Last year I went to a chocoholics anonymous meeting twice...once to join and once to renew.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

"I gained a lot of weight when I stopped working in oil, and switched to butter!"

'This is an excellent diet pill. It makes you so nervous you can't hit your mouth with the food.'

'Oh sure...I'm on a diet and you want to go on a feeding frenzy!'

A worm sits in comfort as he has just eaten 4 apples by himself...

Overeaters Anonymous Meeting - Hot dog stand by door.

'Is it high cholestrol?'

'Another upsetting discovery from the world of nutrition: New studies indicate that the air itself is fattening...'

Sure, I like worms, but I'm sure I like them better with a side of fries.

Notice anything different? - 'You've been on a diet?' - 'No, I found it was easier to just hold in my stomach.' - 'What happens if you let go?' - 'Ahhh!' - 'I said 'if' you let go, pie-man.'

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

'I'm weighing you before you leave.' (overweight man in the supermarket).

'I was retaining water, so I cut out the salt. Now I retain gas.'

'His snacks and his meals are beginning to OVERLAP!'

"It was all that running around town buying diet books that achieved my weight loss."

Diet now...ask me how. 'I spent $600 at the fat farm and haven't lost a single kilo, apparently you're supposed to show up...'

Show down between woman and weighing machine.

'Through dieting I lost some weight ... I also lost my reason for living!'

'Doc, I'll cut out anything as long as it isn't sugar, fat or booze.'