Dessert Dilettante Gifts

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'House wine?'

Macho Vegetarian

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

The Salvador Deli

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

Pie.,

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'