Dining Out Dilettante Gifts

"Past performance is no guarantee of future results."

'Erm...I ordered the omlette!'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'House wine?'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Macho Vegetarian

Too Skinny, Too Fat

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

The Salvador Deli

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

'I usually discourage high-fat foods, Mr. Hall, but in your case, a Good Humor bar is in order.'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."