Diet Defender Gifts

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

High Calorie Area - Run For Your Life

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

"Do you want to read the menu or just eat it?"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

To do before Saturday...

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'