Diet Detective Gifts

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Is it okay if we just eat the newspaper?'

"Surgery is scheduled six weeks from today. Don't eat anything before then."

"Not all fat's bad. Maybe you're gaining the omega-3 polyunsaturated kind."

'Type 2 diabetes raise concern over increased incidence of childhood obesity.'

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

Thanksgiving: 'You are what you eat.'

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

"I don't understand Doc, he only eats the same as the rest of us..."

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

'You're the new guy right? Uh... you might want to stay away from the cottage cheese.'

Doctor: 'Your discomfort may well be a bandwidth issue.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Math teacher shows a number line representing her diet.

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

Spring Water - 0% Trans Fats.

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Frank's Diet Progress.

'I'm putting you on my own personal diet.'

'You need more fiber and less cholesterol in your diet. Throw out the eggs you bought and eat the carton they came in.'

Low fat diets.

"Do you want that with or without angioplasty?"

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

'Electronic fuel injection. No carbs.'

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

'My doctor told me to get more exercise...'

"Go ahead if you see something you like, but I'm afraid my fast food days are over."

Supermarket aisles - 'Good cholesterol' & 'Bad cholesterol'.

'If you want fiber, Madame, I suggest you eat the menu.'

'No one can be trusted to stay off a diet!'

'You're a fat bastard and you should go on a diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"I'm moving to France to not get fat."