Diet Detective Pillows

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Is it okay if we just eat the newspaper?'

"Surgery is scheduled six weeks from today. Don't eat anything before then."

'Type 2 diabetes raise concern over increased incidence of childhood obesity.'

"Not all fat's bad. Maybe you're gaining the omega-3 polyunsaturated kind."

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

Thanksgiving: 'You are what you eat.'

'I want you to lose 50 pounds, and then tell me how you did it.'

"I don't understand Doc, he only eats the same as the rest of us..."

The Land Of Milk And Honey: Day 1

'You're the new guy right? Uh... you might want to stay away from the cottage cheese.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Math teacher shows a number line representing her diet.

Doctor: 'Your discomfort may well be a bandwidth issue.'

Low fat diets.

"Do you want that with or without angioplasty?"

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'I'm putting you on my own personal diet.'

'You need more fiber and less cholesterol in your diet. Throw out the eggs you bought and eat the carton they came in.'

Spring Water - 0% Trans Fats.

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Carb or non-carb section?'

"I'm moving to France to not get fat."

'My doctor told me to get more exercise...'

"Go ahead if you see something you like, but I'm afraid my fast food days are over."

'Electronic fuel injection. No carbs.'

Turkey reading a book on the Atkins diet.

'I'm lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant, vegan and allergic to tomatoes...what have you got that's good?'

Easy to follow diet plan.

'You're a fat bastard and you should go on a diet.'

'Let me know if these weight-loss pills actually work.'

'There's good cholesterol, and there's bad cholesterol, and then there's you, Mr, Ferguson,'

'If you want fiber, Madame, I suggest you eat the menu.'

"So, doc, what you're telling me is 'Don't diet like I do, diet like I say.'"

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'