Diet Plan Detective Pillows

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Critisize your weight.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Diet considerations.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"I've tried 5 diets and haven't lost a pound. Maybe I shouldn't try them all at the same time."

Mind, Body, Spirit (and Food Court).

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Frankly, dear, I think you've been on this paleo diet much too long!"

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"I can't have anything that's a food."