Diet Detectives Pillows

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

I'll trade you a gluten-Free Sandwich for lactose-free milk.

'That old 'diet and exercise scam' again!'

'Felder, I'd like a woman's opinion. Why isn't this selling?'

"My parents are extreme vegans. I'm not allowed to have a piggy bank."

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

Fastburger - would you like lies with that

You are what you eat

'Not the bananas - the rope.'

'I wonder if we're getting enough fibre?'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

'When I found iout you are what you eat, well, I'm nuts!'

'I'm dieting - just the alphabet soup with no big words please!'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"Oh no ... I'll never lose any weight this way."

'I had no idea that a 'Low-Fat' diet meant the fat would only go to the lower part of my body.'

'This diet is the penalty for exceeding the feed limit.'

"Health advice does change over time, but I doubt if we'll EVER be recommending a diet of pizza and beer."

'Working from home I've found the most hazardous machine to be the refrigerator.'

'You weight 287 pounds and you will probably eat this card.'

Slimming club with 'Thin' and 'Stout' trays.

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

'What do you mean, microbiotic?' 'Very small portions.'

Ultimate Health Care

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

Online Diet: Step 1 - Delete Cookies

I'm starting to think plankton aren't low-carb.

Guilt-free cookie?

"Maybe I'll just put these cookies back."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"