Dietary Detective Pillows

'I don't know whether the fish oils have helped his concentration but they've certainly helped keep the fly population down.'

Guy sitting on bank pulling up fishing line with sign from fish attached to hook reading' Got anything better than worms?'

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"Might be celiac disease. We'll have to wheat and see."

What was good for you is bad for you.

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

"I can't sleep not knowing where all the gluten from gluten-free products goes."

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"So, you were just pretending to be vegan?"

'The diet books really worked for me...I bought so many I couldn't afford any food.'

Excuse me luv, do you know what's happened to all my 'stuff'?

Try Our Weight Reduction Program and Lose Weight: 'I lost the most by not eating at all.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."