Health Food Detective Pillows

'Apparently some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but some of the other additives cure it.'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Darn...I can never remember if bright colors mean venomous or vitamins.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

Honest Vending

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Science and Coronavirus

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."