Health Food Detective Gifts

'Apparently some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but some of the other additives cure it.'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Darn...I can never remember if bright colors mean venomous or vitamins.'

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Like death by salad.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

Honest Vending

Secretive Weigh In.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Critisize your weight.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Diet considerations.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

Science and Coronavirus

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"And that's where hot dogs come from."