Nutrition Detective Gifts

'Promise you won't get mad at me if I tell you what I did with the vitamins you brought me each day?'

'Do you want a fright with that?'

'And I bet that's only the packaging!'

Lack of Nutrition Information

"Shall I put the strawberry in now?"

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"Some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but some of the other additives cure it."

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Bad for you but to die for

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Critisize your weight.

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Diet considerations.'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"