Nutrition Detective Gifts

'Promise you won't get mad at me if I tell you what I did with the vitamins you brought me each day?'

'Do you want a fright with that?'

'And I bet that's only the packaging!'

Lack of Nutrition Information

"Shall I put the strawberry in now?"

'Aack! Four star guilt!!'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"Some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but some of the other additives cure it."

As soon as the diet ends the lost weight returns.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Bad for you but to die for

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Critisize your weight.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Well, you'd better learn to like them!

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'