Dieting Detective Gifts

'Your fat free bit, is right there, in the middle!'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

'As you requested, we trimmed the fat.'

'Let's try this -- I want you to drink a gallon of water before every meal.'

'I think it's time to diet. I'm beginning to see my backside from the front.'

"...by the time I'm through taking my daily pills, I'm too full to eat!"

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

Weight Solution.

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

'I've got a perfect investment plan: For half my money, I'll buy cookie plant stocks and for the the other half, I'll buy diet pill makers stocks!'

Middle Age Spread

'Stick to this diet for awhile -- you're not strong enough for health food yet.'

"I started a new diet."

'Man needs a longer set of scales in order to read the dial'

"You don't think I'm cheating on my special, low-carb diet, do you?"

'What we've got to remember is to lose weight, not heart. Right?'

"It's to help you stop the late-night snacking."

'Are you sure you've been to weight watchers and not poundstretchers?'

'My Mom's on this real strict diet, and last night she got up and ate my homework'

Successful dieting is just a matter of finding the right diet.

'How much did you lose on your 14 day diet?' 'two weeks.'

'....Ahem, Ms. Caldwell, I'd like to have a few words with you.'

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

"I came up with a great way to curb my appetite at home... I put a full length mirror on my refrigerator!"

'My fat is like a disgruntled ex-employee.'

I told you I've cut out sugar, even on rhubarb.

Lost & Found. That's the story of my dieting attempts in a nutshell.

"Would you like to supersize that?"

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"