Foodie Detective Pillows

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"When you say everything's fine is that an 'mmm, mmm good' fine or a 'just wait until I get to YELP and tear you a new one' fine?"

"I know I work from home, but I think one of my coworkers is hacking into my refridgerator and stealing my lunch."

"We have ways of making you spill the beans, you know."

"Oh, sure, I eat gluten ... but only in certain restaurants."

"We try to source all of our produce locally..."

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"Are you sure no pesticides were used?"

Burgers - Available with: Ketchup, Mayo and Horse (Radish).

Horse meat scandal.

"Good luck getting a sandwich at this hour in L.A."

GM Crops Genie.

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"The shrimp alfredo you made a few weeks ago?"

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Arkansas stew."

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."