Foodie Undercover Pillows

'I'll just have whatever he doesn't notice.'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

GM Crops Genie.

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Horse meat scandal.

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

'Coffee and Converstion' vs. 'Beer & Bullshit'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

Clandestine Cuisine

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"