Confidential Foodie Pillows

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Hey, honey bun!'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

"And what would you like to regret later?"

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

'I recommend looking down your wife's top, sir.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Clandestine Cuisine

When I see you I turn to jelly!

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

When seasons collide

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

'Would you like to eat in the restaurant or dine outside on our Wasp-atorium?'

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"Peanut butter and jelly...simple...delicious... why didn't I think of that?"

Aesthetic Pioneers

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

"I'd like to try something different- something that takes a lot of guts to eat."

"Kids eat free before six o'clock."

Woman Delivering Lunch to Builder.

"Ever feel a teensy bit guilty when they're a vegan?"