Confidential Foodie Gifts

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Hey, honey bun!'

The boss is truly a courageous risk-taker. Only he tasted the salmon mousse at last year's company picnic.

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"And what would you like to regret later?"

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

'I'm not very hungry after eating my first quarter losses.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

'I recommend looking down your wife's top, sir.'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

When seasons collide

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

'Would you like to eat in the restaurant or dine outside on our Wasp-atorium?'

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

When I see you I turn to jelly!

Clandestine Cuisine

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"Peanut butter and jelly...simple...delicious... why didn't I think of that?"

It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller. I'm devastated. My favorite fast-food place is cheating on me. That's what it feels like, anyway. It's Burger King! Burger King's moving its headquarters to Canada to weasel out of paying taxes! I feel so betrayed. How do I deal with this betrayal, Sadie?! You sound a lot like the CEO of McDonald's. McWhat? Never heard of it.

Aesthetic Pioneers

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

"I'd like to try something different- something that takes a lot of guts to eat."

"Ever feel a teensy bit guilty when they're a vegan?"

Woman Delivering Lunch to Builder.