Food Confession Fan Gifts

"I can't believe I ate that pizza, that whole pizza, and nothing but that pizza."

Counting ribs

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

Spontaneous Kombucha

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fast Food Dieter

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"And what would you like to regret later?"

Bedside Manna.

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Cutlery store: Big Sale! Everything slashed!

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'Three, two, one. Stand clear.'

Cook spills food and has to open a can (tin).

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

"That banquet was most delicious, and yet now, somehow, once again I feel the pang of hunger.'

"Fall is coming, Snickers. We must pumpkin spice everything."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

There's a sky full of bloated women counting on you to produce a pro-biotic yoghurt like you've never produced before!

'Couldn't Jack Spratt eat polyunsaturated fat?'