Foodie Undercover Gifts

'I'll just have whatever he doesn't notice.'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

GM Crops Genie.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Horse meat scandal.

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

'Coffee and Converstion' vs. 'Beer & Bullshit'

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Clandestine Cuisine

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

'I keep getting stomach cramps after eating.' - 'You're probably intolerant to certain foods.' - 'Can you test for that?' - 'Yes, just eat things one by one and see what makes you ill.' - 'Won't that be slow and painful?' - 'Fingers crossed.'

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'