Foodie Voyeur Gifts

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

GM Crops Genie.

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Something photogenic for each of us."

Horse meat scandal.

'Coffee and Converstion' vs. 'Beer & Bullshit'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"In this restaurant, quality control means I must approve every picture you take of the food."

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

"I am off duty, but the body cam allows me to discreetly take photos of my meal."

"I wonder how many Facebook likes I'll get."

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert!"

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

"Is this from the community garden? It tastes sanctimonious."

"Would it be possible to change this to something more instagrammable?"

Have you noticed how chefs have replaced hairdressers in the social pages?

It's December, and time for us to discuss the top films of the year. Today we look at documentaries. There were a couple films about our food supply. One investigated the poultry industry. As expected it's a chick flick. Another looked at the dried fruit business. It's a date movie. A film chronicling the construction of a skyscraper is enthralling. Riveting! And the biggest surprise was a film about a prison break -- We found it to be fun entertainment! It's pure escapism!

Food Photography

"Sometimes, just to agitate them, I flash my jar on instant coffee."

"We have ways of making you spill the beans, you know."

Burgers - Available with: Ketchup, Mayo and Horse (Radish).

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

"Please stop asking if everything's okay...you keep ruining the light for our pictures!"