Espionage Foodie Gifts

CIA Cafeteria: 'It's nice of you to ask, but the recipe is classified.'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Yes, sir. I could show you the menu, but then I'd have to kill you.'

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

GM Crops Genie.

'Call you back - I'm with my agent.'

"Relax! I know how to make this look like a routine government surveillance operation!"

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

Horse meat scandal.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

CSI Fridays

If I tell you what I spy with my little eye, I'll have to kill you.

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"You're too kneady."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'I don't know how it's being done - but someone's finding out our secrets...'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'