Culinary Detective Pillows

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'Don't give up Albert - one of these cans has to have tuna in it!'

"You're not getting my secret bread recipe. You're on a strictly knead-to-know basis."

Turkey Autopsy

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"

"Shishito peppers really are everywhere now."

"This vinegar's got lumps in it."

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

"Here's that recipe you wanted."

The History of Anti-stick

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"You can stop the pain, Marcel. Just show us how to crust a sea bass."

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

Wagon Without Horses - 2 meals ?3.50.

Thoroughbred Burger Meat

Award winning food, Derby winning food.

'I'm sure there's horse meat in these burgers...They're giving me the trots!'

Police Crime Scene tin can.

'It looks like the Great Asparagus Cutter has got your number.'

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

'So what makes you think the murderer was a butcher?'

'He's very fussy about his food.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Hope you enjoyed dinner. Excuse Ted while he scans for stolen cutlery."

How to cope with difficult questions from the media.

'Avoid the Beef Wellington here - the foie gras is a faux pas.'

'Pasta imposter' "Oi! You're not vermicelli, you're cheese string..bugger off!!"

'I'm sorry, I can't reveal my sauce.'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."