Culinary Crime Sleuth Pillows

Martha Stewart makes a secret call.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

GM Crops Genie.

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

Turkey Autopsy

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

CSI Fridays

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

Horse meat scandal.

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"'Tofu'? Qu'est-ce que c'est 'tofu'?"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

'I'm sorry, I can't reveal my sauce.'

The History of Anti-stick

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"Dumb ass, huh! Well there's more than one way to grill a thick sausage."

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

"Whoever did this was chillingly methodical about it."