Diet Devotees Gifts

The good and bad news for the species is we have less fat than beef.

Fat-free way; carb-free way.

'The last time I stepped on that thing I had strained vocal cords for a week.'

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

'You will absolutely love my new slim-down quick program! We're talkin' instant results!'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

Church of the Low-Carbs

Slimming World

"It's cuz you're fat."

"It's a vicious circle! He quits smoking, gains 20 pounds, goes on a diet."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

All Natural Nothing

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"I'm a monster."

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'