Alternative Diet Aficionado Gifts

"Everyone, stop looking delicious. The vegans are back and that tofurkey jerky won't keep them back much longer."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

REPENT! Get back to nature

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'You've made wonderful progress,Miss Pritchard.'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

The First Vegetarians.

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

The Penultimate Temptation of Christ

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

'For gods sake get back, there's a triple chocolate fudge cake in there!'

"In the morning I eat nothing then I wait 4 hours and eat nothing again."

'Well, if I weigh that much after only putting one foot on, I don't think I have the courage to continue!'

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

'And just where did you study medicine?'

The Fat-Free Mayo Clinic.

'Darling - look! I've dropped a gene size already.'

'None for me...I'm trying to eat healthy.'

'Can you believe this? Now some food faddists want 'nectar-free' honey.'

'I've got a problem.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

"That's Fred. He was raised by bats..."

'Two more strawberry creams and that's my ' five a day' taken care of....'

Go Veggie...

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!