Special Diet Enthusiast Gifts

'It's wheat-free, dairy-free, fat-free, nut-free, sugar-free and salt-free...enjoy!

'Do you have a traditional lacto-vegan Christmas dinner?'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Fat man on scales.

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.