Meditation Instructor Gifts

"Nothing happens next. This is it."

"You can accomplish anything, if you don't put your mind to it."

'I've been reincarnated 47 time, and it's ALWAYS as some poor schlub sitting on a mountain!'

Inner Help Wanted - Apply Within

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

'After deep meditation, I've concluded that money per se doesn't make you happy, but it helps!'

''Go with the flow' may be a bad way to put it.'

Nowhere is just one space away from Now Here.

"Ok, now...find your center."

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

Mind-Fullness

"Close your eyes, breathe in and feel your purses and wallets begin to open...get a sense of them growing lighter with every passing moment...lighter...and lighter..."

'Phew! What a day! I almost lost my aura of supreme tranquility.'

'Do you suppose it's possible to become TOO enlightened?'

'This is a spiritual journey, Buddy...not a road trip.'

"We'll start with the basics - Sit down and shut up."

'The first step towards wisdom is accepting that nobody you with knows anything.'

'What did I tell you? -- It's location, location, location!'

Working from Om

"Don't just stand there, do nothing."

"You must learn to detach."

"When are you going to get a real job?"

A buddhist monk sits with an empty in/out box

"...Ouch...Ouch...Ouch...Ouch..."

'Everything is illusory? - I WISH!'

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

The shaman of the holy mountain?

'A clear case of post-meditative murder.'

'Just once, I'd like to be reincarnated somewhere BELOW ten thousand feet!'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'The truly enlightened don't NEED beer coolers!'

WISDOM! WHILE IT LASTS!, 'Maybe the sign wasn't such a hot idea after all.'

Comfort.

'Well, I don't WANT to become one with any Universe that HE'S one with!'

"Out of body back in 10 minutes"