Meditation Mentor Gifts

Meditator thinks about shoes and chocolate.

'I used to worry that I'd fall asleep meditating. Now I look forward to it.'

"Okay, Brian, it’s time to shut down your brain, quiet the anxious thoughts and begin to relax—just let it all go... and take a Valium."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Sorry about that -- I should have warned you about the Sun coming up like thunder out of china 'cross the bay.'

"Om, Ah, Om, Sajra, Guru, Padma, Onions, Peppers, Cheese, Wine, Pasta, Milk, Loo Roll..."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Mind-Fullness

'Oh, crap.'

What else is there to wish for?

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Unguided imagery

Zenemies.

Cactus seats.

My God, I need to fart.

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

Yoga.

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

Meditation

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'