Meditation Masters Gifts

'Never, NEVER sneeze while you're levitating.'

"Nobody talks about transcender issues."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The creative process works best with a relaxed brain, so I'm letting my mind wander to let a solution drift in.'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

Surfing the daily stress

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

"Eventually, you have to stop visualizing yourself doing well on the test, and actually do the test."

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

Fight or Flight

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"Try thinking about something else."

Mind-Fullness

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, crap.'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Unguided imagery

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

My God, I need to fart.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Cactus seats.

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

Yoga.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Meditation

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."