Medieval Mavens Gifts

Medieval headlines.

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Swiss army knife

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

Myths and legends...

"Like that?"

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

Dracula Admires His Offspring.

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

The Venerable Bede

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'Poor Adam -- he lost his head start ALREADY.'

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

The cry rang out. "There's gold in that there castle in the sky!" And the great beanstalk rush of 1849 had begun.

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

"It needs some work, but it does have good bones."

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

Vlad the Employer

'Harold, wake up, you're supposed to be the tooth fairy tonight.'