Medieval Mavens Gifts

Medieval headlines.

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Swiss army knife

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Myths and legends...

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

"Like that?"

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

The cry rang out. "There's gold in that there castle in the sky!" And the great beanstalk rush of 1849 had begun.

The Venerable Bede

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

'Poor Adam -- he lost his head start ALREADY.'

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

'Harold, wake up, you're supposed to be the tooth fairy tonight.'

Vlad the Employer

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

"It needs some work, but it does have good bones."

Sunburn.