Monarchy Mavens Gifts

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Like that?"

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

Medieval headlines.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'A Connoisseur Examining a Cooper'- George III Inspecting Engraving of Oliver Cromwell

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Dracula Admires His Offspring.

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

The King and His Real Estate Advisors

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

The Venerable Bede

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

Department de Philosophie

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

"It needs some work, but it does have good bones."

Vlad the Employer

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

"Your Majesty, according to our study the shoe was lost for want of a nail, the horse was lost for want of a shoe, and the rider was lost for want of a horse, but the kingdom was lost because of overregulation."

Medieval boating on castle moat.