Medieval Mavericks Gifts

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

Swiss army knife

"Like that?"

Sisyphus during Covid

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Medieval headlines.

'Have you any W fronts?'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

How To Cut The Defense Budget

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

The Venerable Bede

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

Stealth fighter fly over.

'We only stay together for the sake of the Holy Roman Empire.'

Whosoever draweth out the publishing, recording, and distribution contracts from the stone shall forever be acknowledged as the Duke of Earl, and nothing can stop him.

Vlad the Employer

Vicar preaching at pulpit

Sunburn.

Medieval boating on castle moat.

"Your Majesty, according to our study the shoe was lost for want of a nail, the horse was lost for want of a shoe, and the rider was lost for want of a horse, but the kingdom was lost because of overregulation."

Ecclesiastical Eye Test

'Say cheese, sire!'

"Some knights just aren't dragon people."

"Yo, Mr. 'Knight of the Round Table' — this isn’t cilantro, it’s parsley."

Castle Cat Flap