Medieval Maverick Gifts

Sunburn.

Lady of the Lake Holds Swiss Knife

"Yo, Mr. 'Knight of the Round Table' — this isn’t cilantro, it’s parsley."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Swiss army knife

'Spell checker!'

"Like that?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Sisyphus during Covid

Medieval headlines.

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

How To Cut The Defense Budget

"I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology."

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

King Richard I

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

The Venerable Bede

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

Stealth fighter fly over.

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"

Dragon Barbecue