Medieval Maverick Pillows

Sunburn.

Lady of the Lake Holds Swiss Knife

"Yo, Mr. 'Knight of the Round Table' — this isn’t cilantro, it’s parsley."

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

Swiss army knife

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'Spell checker!'

"Like that?"

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

Sisyphus during Covid

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Medieval headlines.

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

"Sheesh... Missed a button again."

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology."

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

How To Cut The Defense Budget

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

A popular stall at the Giant Sunday Pack Horse Contents Sale in Newark.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Ed. I just couldn't save the poor ol' thing. You want to shoot it, or shall I?"

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

King Richard I

"Why can't you bring me a rodent like a normal cat?"

The Venerable Bede

'That was your grandfather -- his catapult went off while he was cleaning it.'

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

'Oh, you know, the usual...just working.'

'Andrew loves taking things apart and putting them back together...except he can never actually put them back together...'

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

"Mummy was right: - I should've married the dragon...!"