Medieval Investors Gifts

'I can turn base metal into gold, or if you prefer, a portfolio of securities, bonds and equity investments.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Knight feeding his kids.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

TV jester.

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

underwater knight

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

Knights of the bedside table.

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

Car joust.

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

'I'm re-enacting a battle with my conscience.'

"Who ordered a pizza?"

"There isn't a siege. We're all in line for the bouncy castle."