Medieval Scholar Gifts

"I'll be over at Geoffrey d'Anglouleme's place, settling his hash."

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

The first car accident.

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I don’t know what your invention’s called, but it’s really irritating."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Knight feeding his kids.

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

"He's his own worst enemy."

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

Joust Sharpener

TV jester.

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

"Early model of baggage claim"

Schrodinger's Black Box

Hildegard von Bingen

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

Those Were The Days

In case of emergency - use tin opener...