Medieval Researcher Gifts

'Here comes the King, Lancelot! Quick! -- Scrunch down in there!'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Knight feeding his kids.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

"He's his own worst enemy."

Joust Sharpener

"The knights of the round accent table"

Swiss army knife

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

Hildegard von Bingen

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

TV jester.

"Early model of baggage claim"

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

underwater knight

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.