Old-school Investor Gifts

"Do we look like investors in high-tech funds to you?"

Gen-Next Library

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"What old school? This is my life."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

Peace on Earth

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

"Whatever happened to throwing Frisbees around?"

"I'd like to make a return."

'They're encyclopedias, Timmy... They're an early form of Google.'

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

The Club

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

"I've gone for a retro phone."

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

A Louis Auchincloss-Type Law firm

"They just don't make 'em like Doc Malone anymore!"

'Lost your kindle in the cab? Try my outdated destined-for-extinction, low-priced print edition.'

'Well, that was when a pretty rock was worth a pretty rock...'

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

Plimbco Bank & Trust, old money division.

As you like it - Parisians who will never be under police supervision

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."