Old-school Investor Gifts

"Do we look like investors in high-tech funds to you?"

Gen-Next Library

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"What old school? This is my life."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

'Well, Eddy may look a bit rough, but he's good at heart - last week, he bought stocks from a company which produces cuddly puppy toys in pink ballet dresses!'

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

"I'd like to make a return."

"Whatever happened to throwing Frisbees around?"

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

The Club

'I was a multi-millionaire back when it meant something.'

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

A Louis Auchincloss-Type Law firm

"I've gone for a retro phone."

"They just don't make 'em like Doc Malone anymore!"

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

Plimbco Bank & Trust, old money division.

As you like it - Parisians who will never be under police supervision

'Well, that was when a pretty rock was worth a pretty rock...'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

"I would rather you not email me your answer!"