Medicine Junkie Gifts

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

'For five years you can't get a single politician to take any notice of you...and then half a dozen turn up at once!'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

Uncle Mort, have you been playing with your home genetic engineering kit again? Guilty. I was trying to clone my own DNA. For laughs, I mixed up my genes with compost. Mixed up? Technically, cross-bred. Trump is a meathead! Well, you're a vegetable.

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

Homing pigeons in therapy.

"It's taking more and more destruction just to feel anything."

A Mom and Pop Operation

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

Woman with exercise bike

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

'It feels like two hours of my life is missing.'

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

We're making real progress, Al. With my problems, or with the construction of your beach house?

"This must be the Campaign Trail."

"Yes, I AM the CEO of the bank that received the BAIL OUT MONEY, why do you ask?"

'All I'm saying, Sweetheart, is that maybe you're not quite ready for the advanced yoga class!'

Gym workout.

'Buy... sell... buy... sell... buy...'

'Triglycerides? Let's just say when your cholesterol,HDL and LDL are partying it up, he's the guy you want to gate crash!'

'It's the word MODERATE which scares me!'

Weight Loss Clinic.

Infectious Diseases Lab. I don't care how you collected bugs as kids. We don't poke holes in the containers here.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reading 'lightweight gift ideas' magazine

'Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.'

'I'm sorry, but there are now 16,000 medical jounals, and I no longer have time to see any patients.'

"Ich habe einen ziemlich miesen DNA-Tag."

"First of all, Mr. Keller, I'll buy you a new shirt."

"I was going to give him accupunture, but on second thoughts..."

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