Medical Journal Junkie Gifts

'I'm sorry, but there are now 16,000 medical jounals, and I no longer have time to see any patients.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

Weditorials

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

'Here's an interesting article. 'Cold or Seasonal Allergy?''

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

President Putin.

'You don't know how much it would mean to me if you could just jump.'

Obtaining a degree in TV Broadcasting.

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

"I keep up with all the journals."

"You won't find Miss Miriam Hirschman an easy nut to crack, Mr. Leno."

Woman with exercise bike

'To avoid lawsuits, we articulate in medicalese that most mortals could not render intelligible.'

Social Media

'I'm writing a popular blog.'

Gym workout.

"I'm writing entries in my daily dairy diary."

Bernard Derome: If the trend continues...I'll be retiring in 2009.

'All I'm saying, Sweetheart, is that maybe you're not quite ready for the advanced yoga class!'

"Dad, how do you become a TV reporter?"

Daniella Diaz - CNN

"I see by your copy of 'Newsweek' that Lyndon Johnson has decided not to run for reelection."

"Stiff neck, blurred vision, and Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, all due to extended time in front of a computer. I think I just discovered the ICD-10 code for my job!"

'Enforcing the publish or perish rule, Dean McWit?'

"I know you're new to the job, Ms. Jones, but the correct term is 'stat'... not 'move your ass'!"

'I need to go on a vacation. The boredom is getting to me. Every page in my journal says 'see previous page'.'

"I have some good news and bad news, wonderful news, terrifying news, boring news, stunning news, technically incomprehensible news, news you should sit down to hear, and news you definitely won't take laying down. Which first?"