Healthcare Junkie Gifts

Intensive billing unit

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'For five years you can't get a single politician to take any notice of you...and then half a dozen turn up at once!'

'It's your four basic food groups.'

A man reading 'Beach Chairs for Dummies'

Uncle Mort, have you been playing with your home genetic engineering kit again? Guilty. I was trying to clone my own DNA. For laughs, I mixed up my genes with compost. Mixed up? Technically, cross-bred. Trump is a meathead! Well, you're a vegetable.

'He's not showing off to me as much as he used to...'

'Anaesthetic ok?' - 'Yes, ten double scotches from the pub up the road.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

Homing pigeons in therapy.

"Rolling pizza cutter."

"It's taking more and more destruction just to feel anything."

Woman with exercise bike

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

'It feels like two hours of my life is missing.'

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

M.D. The problem with your constitution is you've abused the pursuit of happiness.

"5 second rule!"

'Lucky for you there was a safety net.'

"You can't check my pulse while I'm checking your pulse!"

Anthony Rottweiler: Motivational Dog Speaker

Gym workout.

We're making real progress, Al. With my problems, or with the construction of your beach house?

"We took away your right to vote on taxes. You voted 'no' too often."

'All I'm saying, Sweetheart, is that maybe you're not quite ready for the advanced yoga class!'

"This must be the Campaign Trail."

"Here it is - 'Surviving an Earthquake'..."

'Triglycerides? Let's just say when your cholesterol,HDL and LDL are partying it up, he's the guy you want to gate crash!'

'It's the word MODERATE which scares me!'

'Hope that Medicare will kick in to help with my developing headache pain!'

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer reading 'lightweight gift ideas' magazine

"These drugs won't do much, but the combined side effects are a hoot!"