Humorous Health Junkie Gifts

All this binge eating and rinking I'm doing is making me really fat so I'll need a full check-up in July 2006 - GPs must provide advance bookings.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'He's fine, it's only man flu not swine flu.'

'Side effects may include....'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'I just came back from the allergist. I'm allergic to life.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'

"You'll have to take this medication for the rest of your life, but don't worry it's non-addictive."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

'Key hole surgery....but wouldn't it be easier if you were actually in the room with me...'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'