Insurance Junkie Gifts

Car Insurance - I know you haven't had an accident in 15 years...you're about due one.

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

"Eat me"

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'These are tough times for wall street tycoons...the best we can do is laugh half-way to the banks.'

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

'You know, our health plan doesn't cover dental.'

'Yea, I give away the fire. I make my money on insurance.'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

HOLY LAND INSURANCE CO. , 'Darn you, Methuselah! -- You've completely

Upholding the Law

"Let's take in a trial."

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

'I'm sorry Bill, but some things in medicine we doctors just can't explain...like insurance forms.'

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

Reducing Health care costs with health and fitness programs

"I'm not here to take away your guns—I'm here to sell you some overpriced insurance."

Investments: Remember, tis better to have loved money and lost, than never to have loved money at all.