Legal Junkie Gifts

"We took away your right to vote on taxes. You voted 'no' too often."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

Internet Cafe

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

"He just doesn't know what to do with himself since he got elected to Congress."

Trumpcare is buried by the House and Senate while Obamacare remains alive.

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

'Kids, let's pause and give thanks to that higher power that keeps this family together...our internet service provider.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

"Remember me, Mister 'too much bacon is never enough?'"

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

"Offering free Wi-Fi was genius."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.

Judge has work boxes labeled Sustained and Overruled.