Justice Junkies Gifts

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

'I guess there's a lack of big trials. Court TV is carrying a tennis match.'

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Mou...Man trap!

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

'So what if few limp-wristed girlie men think we're too extreme!'

"You should run for president."

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'Must you be so judgemental?'

Law 'N' Order

'Boy or girl, straight or gay - I don't care as long as it's science-literate and non-republican.'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."