Justice Junkies Pillows

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

'I guess there's a lack of big trials. Court TV is carrying a tennis match.'

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

"Let me assure you that my congressional delegation and I are devoting our full attention to the harmful effects of e-cigarettes. . ."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Mou...Man trap!

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"You should run for president."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

'So what if few limp-wristed girlie men think we're too extreme!'

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

Upholding the Law

"Let's take in a trial."

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

Wage Slavery

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

The Last Republican in America

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'