Justice Junkie Pillows

Everything you need to know about the law...and then some.

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

'Your company has got a massive corruption problem...'

Youth Court

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

'I'll answer the question provided you listen without interrupting, commenting or passing judgment.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

Lawyers alerted by the ambulance alarm and chasing the vehicle.

'It doesn't look good! The prosecutor and the jury foreman are high-fiving.'

"I'd like the Court to remember that my client only got into counterfeiting to counteract what he felt was an overly restrictive monetary policy on the part of the Fed."

'No case law, but we did get 50,000 hits on Youtube.'

'Before I read the verdict, I'd like to announce that several of us will be appearing on court TV and we hope you'll watch.'

No appeals..I own all the lawyers

"There've been some cutbacks in the witness protection program since you agreed to participate."

'Oops, my mistake...Carry on, sir.'

'Agree to cooperate and I can get the embezzlement charge pleaded down to 'Hand Caught In Cookie Jar'.'

'Son, it's not whether you win or lose, it's what you bill per hour.'

'Can I be honest with you?'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

You wouldn't get away with this if we had a charter of rights.

'You can't make an omelette without breaking an egg law firm.'

'When there's a mountain of evidence against you, we charge by the foot.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

Upholding the Law

"Let's take in a trial."

"But I don't need a reason. It says right here that I can fire him 'just cause'."

"Don't worry, the first 20 years in this department are the hardest."

Lady Justice using metric scales.

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

The red tape on this case was monumental.

'Don't worry... I specialise in false hope.'

'Now, don't you get judgmental with ME!'