Legal Junkie Pillows

"We took away your right to vote on taxes. You voted 'no' too often."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

Addicted to Facebook...lost internet connection.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, despite how bad it's going to screw you?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

Internet Cafe

"Let's take in a trial."

Upholding the Law

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

Trumpcare is buried by the House and Senate while Obamacare remains alive.

'It doesn't matter if my client is guilty.. the book and movie deals are pouring in!'

"He just doesn't know what to do with himself since he got elected to Congress."

'I had no idea there was a local ordinance against taking the Fifth Amendment!'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"I plead guilty, Your Honor, but only in a nice, white-collar sort of way."

'Kids, let's pause and give thanks to that higher power that keeps this family together...our internet service provider.'

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

"Remember me, Mister 'too much bacon is never enough?'"

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

"Offering free Wi-Fi was genius."

'I told you it wouldn't work. You just can't predict what a jury is going to do.'

"We don't communicate any more..."

With the evening all to herself, Kate put on her 'UPS Drivers Gone Wild' video.

'It wasn't so much armed robbery as my client converting the owner's assets from sole proprietorship to a mutual fund.'

Lady Justice using metric scales.